it might just all be a facade

Thursday, November 29, 2007;

♥ 11/29/2007 05:10:00 PM

Have you ever talk to God above
Tell him that you need a friend to love
Praying in Jesus's name, believe in
And He'll answer prayers>>

Nice song! ;D
Nopes, im not a christian. But after studying in a christian environment for a decade of my life so far (pri and sec education), having to sit thru devotions every mornings, a chapel once every week, and a thanksgiving service to wrap up the whole school yr. This exposed me to many different hillsongs!
Haha! Im not 'religion-nist' (if there ever happen to be such a word), as in i dont exactly mind my friends being in the different religion as me, nor do i mind their respective religion habits.
Yups. I have seriously no idea why i blogged the above paragraph. But my point is, although im not a christian, i kind of love hillsongs! ;D Like yeah. (:

Watched 'Enchanted' with yingqi, jingni, jianfu sir, and qijun sir. Yes yes, (like what yq said) what a weird combination! =X haha!
Mm, for those who know me rather well. Unless i know the seniors really close or personally, i wont exactly feel easy talkin to them. Haha, i dunno. Just weird for me. I dont even dare to open up to my group mentors in ulp and vip can! So far, the only mentor i rmbr, i opening up to was yuhui maam! :D My sdc mentor. <3
But okay! I'll try to overcome this really abnormal and strange habit of mine. If not, the bravo mentors will start calling my 'anti-social' again! But I M NOT OKAY! :D And after i got overcome that, maybe working tgt with seniors wont be so awkward and weird alr! (:
Oh yeah! Let me share how sweet yuhui maam is! (: She is really sweet, esp during vip camp. She bought for her sdc group a bottle of coke, and a bar of i-forgot-what-energy-bar. Awh, like so sweet right! :D
Yups! Okay, back to ytd. Mm, caught the movie and then headed to B&Js for icecream! :D
Jf sir and qj sir left early, so the rest of us started to get crazy in B&Js! Hahaha. We realised we're from vip07/07, and we're from charlie! Oh my, feel the bond! (: Started telling lame jokes, and started saying all the funy things we've encountered so far. Oh yeah! We decorated a serviette too! (: How wonderful.

We left at around 1030pm, when the shop decided to close for the day. ): Oh! When we're leaving the shop, i went to say bye to the cow right outside the shop. The man inside actually thought i was saying bye to me, and said bye back! Haha! It's rather hiliarious, thinking back. (: Walked around vivo, trying to find the correct exit. =X Reached home at 11plus.

Do you ever feel like you classified your friends into 3 differnet groups? Like 'Primary mates', 'Secondary mates', and say, 'JC/Poly friends?
Then, do you ever have the feeling like, when you spend alot of time with this single group, you dont exactly feel like havin the other group's company? Okay, no. This sounds really antisocial. =l What im trying to say is that, um. You'll feel a little unfamiliar with the other group's company, and want back the otherother group's company!
Get what i mean, get what i mean? I hope so. (:
'Cos that's like, how i feel right now. I dunno. Seems weird right. I have never exactly encountered this kind of feeling before y'know.
Oh no! Am i abnormal? )':

But anyways, im going for my class chalet later on. And im feeling kind of 'sian' over it. Mm, and i am wondering when's the next time i'll be seeig my redcross friends and batchmates! Hahaha.
Okay, maybe seeing my classmates later on in the day will make me feel less sian. Hope so! (:
Yingqi! You said you'll drop me a visit at downtown, if im feeling sian right! :D
See. I've such wonderful friends. (:

Okay! Gotta pack my bag and bathe soon!

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007;

♥ 11/28/2007 01:03:00 AM

Dont lose your way, with each passing day
We've come so far, dont throw it away
Valley mountain, there is a fountain
Washes our tears all away>>

Here's a story to share with you, who are reading this.

There's 80yr old man, sitting on his rocking chair by the window, with his 43yr old son accompanying him. There were silence between them. The son was busy typing into his laptop, and at the same time, conversing over the phone with his business client. The man could do nothing more but to just look out of the window.
Just then, a pigeon flew by, and rested right on the window.
Seeing that the son finally put down his phone, the man asked the son, "Son, what is that thing there?" With his hand gesturing to the pigeon resting outside, on the window.
The son looked up for a split sec, before turning back to his laptop, and said, 'Pigeon."
The man pasued for a moment, before asking again, "What is that bird called?"
The son replied again, "Pigeon."
The man asked the same question again. The son replied the same answer. And the man asked again.
Clearly irritated, the son glared at the man and snap, "How many times must i tell you? It's a pigeon, pigeon, pigeon! Quite asking me, and let me finish my goddamn work!" And return to his laptop, typing away.
The man kept quiet for a sec, before moving slowly to his room and digged out his old diary. He flipped thru the pages of the diary, and finally stopped at a page, which entry was about 40yrs ago.
He then returned to the rocking chair, and handed the diary to his son with his trembling hand, before walkin away.
The entry reads, "My 3 yr old son started to get curious about the things around him. Today, we were resting on the rocking chair, when this pigeon flew by and rested on the window outside. He started asking bout what the bird was. I answered him, while hugging him. He asked again, and i answered again. He asked a hundred over times in total. The stange thing is, i never got impatient with him."

Funny how we treat the people around us different when we're all grown up, isnt it?
When we're young, we hope to be with our parents almost all the times. We cried and whined whenever they need to leave for work. We get happy and excited, when they decided to bring us out for a simple meal.
But now, when we're no longer young, and dependent on them. We treat them differently. We no longer wish to be with them all the time. We want to hang around with our friends more. In fact, sometimes, we even wish that they would just get off our backs, and stop nagging at us.
But we often forgot the very important point regarding the fact that who we are today, was because of what they had sarcrificed for us, and what they had given up for us.
Dont you agree?

So anwyays, here are some of the photos taken during RCYC. Enjoy!

These are some of the photos i have in my camera. I want more RCYC photos!
If you have some, please do send me. (;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007;

♥ 11/27/2007 06:20:00 AM

I can be your hero, baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away>>

Im back from RCY Challenge! :D
Apart from my sore limbs and terible ankle, im still pretty alright. Like, my voice is still present, loud and clear, although i cant exactly walk properly with my feet flat on the ground.

Nopes, i wont be blogging in much details bout the camp. But i feel the need to mention this: The camp's FUN!
And BRAVO'S THE BEST DIVISION FOR RCY CHALLENGE 07! :D (oh yay!)

We're from BRAVO. We're family
We're strong and cute. We're the winner.
We dont care Alpha, heck-care Charlie.
And Delta go away.
BRAVO, BRAVO, family.
BRAVO, BRAVO, family.
BRAVO, BRAVO, family.
WE'RE FAIR-MER-LY!

It's fun working tgt with fellow mentors like yingsheng sir, lixuan maam, farhan, weiren, and mas!
It's fun-ner, getting to know other instructors, meeting up with newredcross-ers!
It's fun-nest, having so many batchmates together with you! Haha, for afew moments during the course of the camp, i feel as though we're all back in VIP camp, as campers.

So anwyays, we did quite alot of outdoor activities. Namely, the general station (consisiting of many structures which requires teamwork to help the group to pass the station), the dragon boating (which was totally fun, and saltyyyy), the street soccer and mountain biking at ubin (the biking was totally awesome! I WANT MOREEEE.), archery and evac/FA at RC campsite, rock climbing and challenge rope course, and lastly the heritage trail (which stopped pretty early due to the horrible nasty weather ]: ).
Uh-hur! Although i din get to try out most of the stations, but i did enjoy myself during the biking part. Oh my my, let's go biking again one day!

Let's see. I've gained ~~quite~~alot from this camp. Really.
My first time as a group mentor in hq camps. Pretty interesting and exciting. (: Learnt alot bout how to RA-RA the group ( y'see, this is my FIRST non-training fun redcross camp that i've attended. So it's pretty much new) So yeah, how to go about talkin to them, encouraging and pushing them, trying to make them bond as one.
Well, im quite sure i din exactly performed well, but im very sure that i've gain alot of knowledge from all the seniors, sirs/maam, esp ys sir. (:

Camp commandant is Lawrence sir. Oh yay! My all-time fave sir. Haha. I still rmbr what happen during ulp05. Lawrence sir is like Platoon A and C HERO! :D :D :D

Campfire was an indoor one, due to the rain. Derek, 07/07's prayer and strength didnt work! )': SOBS.
But nevertheless, it's still pretty much successful! The camp spirit's so high and wonderful, everyone's singing campfire songs and shouting campfire cheers. Oh my, im lovin' it!

It's pretty sad that the 4D3N camp's over. Not that i dont wanna come home! Haha, part of me dont mind having the camp all over again! The other lazy part of me, wants to come right home and sleep my ass off. ((:
So yeah, i had my fair share of fun, definitely. Be it those crazy times shouting cheers with the group, chatting to my section, trying to 'psycho' them to getting high for the camp, talking nonsensical stuff to fellow batchmates and seniors. Or those times when i find myself maturing and growing up, learning new stuff from seniors, like lawrence sir, ys sir, qj sir, etc.

Last but not least, i find my passion for redcross is coming back. (:
Yknow for the past few days/weeks, i've been pondering over this question 'Where the heck did my passion for redcross go to?'
And i got myself in a state of i-dunno-how-to-explain-this-state, like im pretty upset and disappointed with myself, for losing that passion. But yet, at the same time, im pretty much relieved over the fact that when my passion goes down alittle, i've that 'alittle' more time for my other events in life.
Mm, but well well well. My passion seems to have came back after this camp. (:
And cool, im settled with it. ;D

Im a Redcross Volunteer (proud to be one too), are you?

<3s!

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Friday, November 23, 2007;

♥ 11/23/2007 06:06:00 AM

Do you ever feel like breaking down
Do you ever feel out of place
Like somehow you jsut dont belong
And no one understands you>>

Im feeling downright horrible and terrible inside of me right now.
It's like a mixture of both anger and upsetness, with a little addition of disappointment. =l

Sure, im always here. For friends to lean on, for friends to call and talk crap to, for friends to whine and cry to.
Yes, maybe not directly next to them, but i dare say that im always just a call/msg away from them.
And i always make it a point, to make time for them. Everytime they're upset, i'll make sure im there. Everytime they're bored, whether m i free or not, i'll try my best to be there to entertain and talk crap to them. Everytime they're troubled, i'll try to make it a point, to be there to lend a listening ear or reassuring hug.
Yes, these - i am sure.

But somehow, whenever i am sad, or troubled, or feeling so oh-so-bloody F -up.
Everyone around me seemed to vanish. They're gone.

What about those whom i always try my best to be there for them?
What about those whom i always thought i could depend on?

I've tried, just trying to bottled everything inside of me. Which, as a matter of a fact, i am still doing.
I'm trying to grow up, in every single way. And im trying to learn how to stand on my own - independently.
But like hello? If i ever trip and fall, i seriously would expect someso-callfriends to be there, to catch me at that lowest pit. Not invisible creatures all around me, and not hearing all those imgainary jeer-ings.

No, seriously.
What ever happen to those 'forever' friends, who claim that they will always be there for you?

~~PARDON MY WORDS, BUT~~
~~FUCK IT.~~

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Thursday, November 22, 2007;

♥ 11/22/2007 10:26:00 PM

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night
You make me wanna hold you til the morning light
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall
You make me wanna surrender my soul>>

Re-examinations are finally O-V-E-R! ;D
Not that i've been studying hard for the paper, and losing my sleep over it. But it's always good to have smth not-exactly-joyful to be striked off your 'to-do list'!
But im feeling slightly grumpy over bio today. The questions came out from Promo Exam 2006 paper! Like hello? I studied that for promo okay, and it did not come out. For this paper, i din touch that. Yet, practically the whole paper came on, similar to the 06 paper. ): <
Pfft, but it's over. It's over!
Lunched with cal at jp. (: Had fun laughin and teasing her, over her frictional guy. ;D
Walked around, dropping into stores, looking and clothes and all.
And then i took the long 198 busride home.

Oh my. I cannot believe that im actually giving up a chalet with my family, to go for rc challenge. =l
Not that rc challenge is um, disgusting? It's just that, why the heck am i giving up a chalet with my family? ): My aunty specially booked the bungalow chalet, it's gonna be a 4D3N thingy, and and and my beloved cousin is going!
Oh my. And my dad's being so horrible. Teasing me, and telling me all the fun stuff they will do, and how relaxed and enjoyable the whole thing is gonna be. =l
And now, i've gotta start packing for rc challenge soon.
PFFT.

Why (Are We Still Friends)
We do almost everything that lovers do
And that’s why it’s hard, just to be friends with you
Every time your heart is broken by the fool
I want you to know that it hurts me too

It’s hard to wipe your tears away (tears away)
Knowing that you should be with me
Now tell me why

Why – why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why every time I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends (Just Being Friends)

I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really love, cause it would mean losing you
But am I a fool, ~~girl~~boy not to say
If I’m always scared I’ll lose you anyway
Somehow somewhere I’ve got to choose (got to choose)
No matter if it’s win or lose
Now tell me why

Why – why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why every time I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends (Just Being Friends)

I don’t wanna be like your ~~brother~~sister
I don’t wanna be your best friend
I only wanna be your lover
When will this end
If I told you that I wanna be in your life
Then you could be the ~~woman~~man in mine

Why – why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why every time I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends (Just Being Friends)

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Saturday, November 17, 2007;

♥ 11/17/2007 07:49:00 AM

I swore i knew the melody, that i've heard you singing
And when you smile, you made me feel
Like i could sing along
But then you went and change the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left, with 'used-to-be's
And once upon a song>>

I was just lying on my sick bed, and listening to my mp3, and When There Was Me and You started playing. This part of the song really, really speaks my heart. And i feel alot for it. (:
Isnt it just so amazing, to find a song/poem, which speaks exactly your thoughts?
It so is, for me. ;D

Anyways, im sick, like SIfeverflucoughCK.
Im over the sore-throat and fever phrase already. Now, it's just more of the blocked nose, and cough. =
GO AWAY, STUPID SICKNESS.
I still have to sit for my reexams, and go for rc challenge okay. (:

Speaking of rc challenge, it's gonna be pretty exciting for me.
Well, hey. I should be, afterall. It's my first time attending a hq camp, not as camper, but a mentor. And this is gonna be such a new experience. Ha, im pretty excited, yet pretty thrill-ed at the thought of being 'challenged'. Hahah, im spluttering nonsense.

I cant wait for reexams to be over. Not that im actually studying for it, or anything. Which i should be!
But like, yknow. Having this exam to be sitting on my back isnt a good thing. ): It's like, refraining me from my freedom.
So, i cant wait for it to be over. And then, it'll be my rcy camp, then my class (07S07) chalet. Followed by many other gatherins in dec!
Let's see. There're my beloved2c gathering, 07s25 gathering (hopefully?), meet up with my girlfriends, catch up with my bestie, suntan (again?) with the girls, VI chalet (?) andmany many more! ;D
Ha, pretty exciting holidays ahead i see.

Anyways, im pretty upset right now. Mm, not wait. 'Upset' doesnt seem like the correct word to use here.
It's more of 'amused', yes, amused. Amused at how things/events in my life are going, not the way i wanted them to, not the way everyone else thought it'd be, but at the way the things are going right now.
It's like, things just seemed so settled and confirmed for a moment, and that you'd alr plan on what to expect and what to do. Then suddenly, the truth and 'twists of life' just came crashing down on you, and suffocating you. Yeah, that's exactly how things are turning out in my life now. And i feel extremely pissed and helpless at the turnout of the things. ): And im really lost. I dont know what should my next step be, and what should i do next.
The thing is, no one seems to really understand. Everyone tells you the superficial stuff, which (in their context) are called 'advices' and are supposed to aid you in any process that youre going thru. Mm, right. Maybe just certain friends actually understand, and give you advices. But somehow or another, no matter how sound the advices are, they just can never work.
And so, i feel as though, im all left alone. To fight this horrible war on my own. And at certain times, i'll feel as though, i've lost. ):
No no no. )':
Why are things turning out this way?
Are my instincts are messed up and horribly wrong?

And right now, i feel as though i've lost.

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Monday, November 12, 2007;

♥ 11/12/2007 06:46:00 PM

Cant help but think that this is wrong
We should be together
Back in your arms where i belong>>

Heaven-o! (;
I thought i would change my phone ytd! So my family and i went down to the singtel shop at West Mall. Oh my, the whole freaking place are flooded, not with water, but with humans. It's reallu disgusting. I wanted to leave immediately. I so hate crowded places. ): <
But anyways, i realised that i din exactly have any ideal phones in mind. So i started browsing thru those phones on display. And i settled down on a few. Sony Ericsson's new 'shake-it-baby' phone, yknow that phone which you can just shake to change songs and everything? Yeah, and Nokia's Music Xpress phone, the slide-up-slide-down red colour one. (: And then, it's the Game + Music Nokia phone, N81.
But i cant exactly settle on one best one. I kind of wanted N81, since the other phones are mainly bout songs songs and songs, and since since i have a cool mp3 baby alr! But then, the SE phone's pretty cool. =l And i dont wanna get a phone which i'd regret like, afew months down the road.
So guess what the solution? We decided on getting the not-so-good zero value phone K530i, and i'll purchase my new phone next yr, april, when another phone plan of one family member expires. If i decide on one, that is. ;D
Haha, so that 530i is my family's new 'family phone', and im holding onto it now.
The sad thing is, all my messages are gone! SOBS. )':
And the piss-y thing is, i cant get the USB ~~shit~~ working.

Okay, 'nuff said.
Now, it's raining. Like gorrillas and monkeys. =l
And im in the i-miss-fairfield kinda mood again.
Before my class chalet, and when i spent quite alot of time with my current classmates/schoolmates. I seems to have gotten used, very used in fact, to jc lifestyle and everything. But after the class chalet, i miss everything in the past again. =l
The friends, the class, the teachers, the cliques, the environment, the atmosphere, and the school. Really!
How i wish, the next morning, or school day, which i wake up to. I'll have to put on the yellow-blue uniform, with the tie, together with nametag schoolbadge and collar pin. Then putting those ~~disgusting~~fairfield socks on, and walking happily to school, expecting to meet the usul fews at the locker. ;D
Oh fun, oh joy.
But pfft, snap back to reality. Tmr, i'll have to wake up, put on the jj hse tee. And travel to jjc.
I just hate it how, when im getting settled, alright, maybe just almost settled, with my current life. And then, something comes along, and flipped me all the way back to square one. No, no! I dont mind, i dont dislike getting tgt with old friends. I just, i just hate the feeling of emptiness in thy heart, when after the fun and joy you have with your old friends, and then having to return to the current world.
As in, aiyah, you get my point!
Pfft, sickening.

Just like how i hate myself. For wanting so much to look the other way.
But every time i do that, i'll start looking back for you, from the other side. =l
Contradictions and crossroads. Go away!

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Sunday, November 11, 2007;

♥ 11/11/2007 06:53:00 AM

I'll be there for you
These five words i swear to you
When you breathe, i wanna be the air for you
I'll be there for you>>

Hellooos! (:
I just wanna say my skin is peeling like nobody's freaking business! And seriously, it looks downright gross. Like im having some kind of skin disease. )': Which i obviously dont!

Dropped by school on friday to hand in maths assignment, before rushing off to meet nirma at jec. Oh, that dear girl of mine. :D It's so good, wrapping my hands around her arms, walking side by side with her, and just chatting as if, the whole ~~damn~~world belongs to no one else but us! (: Just like the good ol' times. <3
Train-ed down to queenstown to meet brandon. That cuckoo bird, who's still as cuckoo as ever. (:
Benjamin and jane came. Then it's farewell nirma, and train-ed down to outram to meet valerie.
Went pasir ris, met up with a few other classmates who i haven seen, after grad night. (:
Reach the chalet, more classmates joined us! Went to get f&b with val brandon stan.
Had a game of monkey-frisbee and ultimate-frisbee with my beloved classmates!
Headed back with the lovelies and get started for bbq.
Had an awesome time seeing ol' familiar faces, catching up, and becoming more updated with one another's life. The sad thing was, i had my jj house tee on the whole time. ): Cos i cant wear those tank tops i brought along for the chalet. )': Because then, everyone can see my badly-diseased skin. BOOHOO.
Left with val and joa at around 12plus. Reached home at 130am, and i knocked out, after bathing.
Seriously seriously, 1 gathering per year just doesnt seem enough! I WANT MORE!

Pictures!

Nirma and i at queenstown mrt, waiting for ben and jane. (:

Us at Pasir Ris bus interchange. Helsa mytwin val jane.

RETARDED BRANDON.

They were having a game of bridge, while waiting for the other classmates to join us.

Ben's playing with that ji-gong fan which we bought at the supermart!

The early come-rs! (:

The girls!

Chanel and selene.

I was in a game of monkey-frisbee btw. =p

Oh yeah, we're in the midst of the game when the waves started coming in, noisily. Then jane exclaimed 'TSUNAMI!' ;D Haha, i do have weird classmates, dont i? (:

I was learning how to toss the frisbee, using just 3 fingers, and making the frisbee turn in an awkward manner. Well, i've yet to learn it though.

The blazing sun.

Ultimate frisbee. (:

We saw this on our way back to the unit.

Hey joshua, my P3 classmate! (:

Hello benja-boop, my chem lab partner. (:

The uber strong fire with rueben set up.

Hello there, class chairman, Stanley Seah. (:

Joyce wanted this photo caption to be 'Joyce's kitchen'.

Our first attempt bbq-ing the wings over the fire. FAILED. But hey, the subsequent attempts were good! (:

Hey selennnne. (:

Rueben, one of those who went on the slt to yunnan. (: The man behind the night's fire.

BARBEQUE!

Mytwin joa sel and val

Brandon's head got cut off. SERVES HIM RIGHT! ;D

Somemore ppl joined us.

And then, somemore.

Then we made those who are playing cards to be in this photo. (: The 'fullest' photo of those who were present that night. The rest have yet to arrived. ):

Sel mytwin joa val cheryl rach

Hello issac, my sec1 going home partner tgt with yunting. (:

Joshua and cheryl

I love them, seriously. Even that disgusting guy, who opened his mouth. ;D

Hey takeena

Joshua looks uber disgusting

Dj's hairy leg. HE TOOK THIS PICTURE HIMSELF!

Edmund, my best guy classmate in sec1, who's in njc now! (:

See the two brothers.

Meng mei li! ;D Pri sch classmate.
Some other photos

It's totally awesome spending time with my beloved friends. (: And seeing those faces which i haven seen for the last century. ;D
For those who din come, it's sad not getting to catch up/see you! I sure hope everything's going well in your life though. (:
My dearest 4E, we'll see one another again soon, right? Soon soon. <3

Oh anyways, my skin's peeling disgustingly disgusting. Really. I look like someone who have a really bad skin disease. ): SOBS. I'll gonna hide myself in long sleeve turtle neck tops from this min onwards.
Okay, i'm just kidding la!
Right now, i'll just nurse my sore throat and flu.

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.